Back to studying...

So after 11 months of job searching, soul searching, and many life changes post college, I have recently found some new direction. For the past few weeks I have been studying for the first actuarial exam, which I will be taking this January 12. My intent is to pass the first exam, and hope to find an entry level actuary position, and then continue taking more exams if needed. However, the thought of actually passing this first exam is almost overwhelming. Though I've learned all these topics before, being almost a year out of school has led me to forget many memorized equations, concepts, etc.

It feels weird to be back in a studying mode, but I am actually starting to enjoy it. It is hard to get motivated on my own though. People have told me that this is one of the hardest tests to pass, and most don't pass it the first time, so I am praying I can stay focused and not get discouraged.

It is hard to hear so many people discouraged about our economy and fearful of the future. It seems as if everyone around me is affected in some way: experiencing layoffs, finding it a really long time to find a job, etc. Sometimes I worry that I will never actually find a job or career that I am made to do. It seems like being an actuary is something that fits me much more than a teacher. I can work on difficult problems, maybe work on a team, use my analytical skills, be challenged, yet not feel fake in front of a classroom. I feel that I could be more of myself in that setting and that excites me, thinking about the possibilities of meeting new people and working hard for the glory of God. But what if there is no position available? What if I never get hired, even if I have all the qualifications? I need to trust God in all of this.

A note of praise: Erik and I just joined a small group at Harvest and we are really excited about it. It seems like a solid group and I was amazed at how open and transparent everyone was with each other. We are really thankful for this!