Pleasing God

Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ. (Galatians 1:10)

Lately I've been reading this book that one of my small group members recommended called, "When People are Big and God is Small" by Edward T. Welch. So far it is an excellent book. It really helps the reader become aware of the subtle (and obvious) ways that the fear of man can control our actions, how we share our faith, and how it overshadows our fear of God.

Here is one exerpt from the book I particularly liked:

"We can be singing with all our heart when we are by ourselves, driving to work, radio blasting. But if someone happens to see us, we are embarrased. It doesn't matter that the person who saw us was completely anonymous, never to be seen again. He or she still saw us and briefly reminded us of the deeper fear of being exposed."

I will probably be posting more thoughts from this book as I continue to read it.

Waking up on the wrong side of the bed...

Erik and I randomly decided to switch what sides of the bed we slept on last night. It was very weird... I don't even know why we decided to do this. After 6 months of getting used to sleeping on the same side every night, it was definitely strange to sleep on the other side! Imagine what it would be like after years and years of sleeping on the same side of the bed... and then switching for one night.

I wouldn't recommend it. You would think it shouldnt be a big deal because you're asleep, right? How does your body know what side of the bed its on? Well, for one thing, my alarm clock and all my stuff is on the side of the room I normally sleep on. For me to sleep on the other side, meant I would have to walk all the way around to grab my glasses, chapstick, turn off the alarm, etc. Also, since Erik is used to sleeping the other way, he would randomly kick me in the night, because he's used to having his legs facing off the bed.

I also sort of feel like my day is strangely off so far because of this... we'll be going back to the normal sides tonight for sure!

Daily Bread

" ...give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread.
Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say, 'Who is the LORD ?' Or I may become poor and steal, and so dishonor the name of my God." -Proverbs 30:8b-9

This verse has been on my mind a lot lately... and I don't think its going away anytime soon. Lately God has been convicting and challenging me about things I think I need or want. It is so easy to slip into a mentality that if you have money to afford something, why shouldn't you buy it? I believe Jesus calls us to live a life of simplicity, humility and sacrifice. While that can look different from person to person, I feel as if lately, I haven't been too sacrificial in terms of what I spend money on. Although most people would say that Erik and I live below our means (small apartment, hand me down cars and furniture, don't go out much), I still feel as if there are things that I buy that are not necessary, that I begin to deem as something I need when its really just something I want. The fine line can be hard to define at times.

On my mind right now...

Last night we rented the movie "Seven Pounds" with Will Smith. I really did not like the movie. I didn't know a ton about it before hand, but it ended up being very disappointing. I don't really like the message behind the movie, having to make up for your mistakes, to the extreme point of committing suicide. It was a very exhausting movie to watch, and the ending provided no satisfaction. I felt like the movie didn't stick to whatever point it was trying to make and it really did not flow well. I understand that the philosophy behind the movie is pretty easy to follow and is what most of the world finds "fair"- basically eye for eye, tooth for tooth, no grace, if you make a mistake you can make it up to pay for it. This is directly opposed to any sort of understanding of God's grace or forgiveness of sin. The fact that the main character essentially killed himself in order to make up for his mistake of causing a car accident which resulted in the death of 7 people, was hard to watch. I understand the guilt he had felt for causing the accident and that he probably didn't want to live very long with that kind of guilt either, but it was sad, nonetheless. He couldn't forgive himself, and then made himself a self-appointed judge of whether other people deserved "a break in life" or not. I did appreciate his care for other people and his generosity, but I'm not sure he had the right motives...

Anyways, enough about that movie. Lately I've heard of a few people we know recently becoming pregnant (though they are a few years older) and I've been thinking about that a lot. I'm still at the point that pregnancy terrifies me. I know I am not ready yet- mostly because I am afraid of the unknown, the pain, the identity change, etc. The main thing is, I don't believe we are ready to be parents yet. I would like for Erik and I to grow in our relationship with each other in our marriage and also build a stronger financial base... were probably a few years out from buying a house, but then again, its a good buying market, so we'll see what happens! I think if I had more close friends going through this same stage of life, I might not feel as scared. But no one I'm close to is currently pregnant or has had children yet; everyone we know thats pregnant are more of acquaintances/people we don't really see anymore/I saw it on facebook. Lol.
I think when it happens, I'll know it will be the right time, and God will prepare me for it. But right now, I don't see it as happening anytime soon.